Sunday, 16 May 2010

Why I will never make it as a songwriter

With sincere apologies to Freddie Mercury...

The Farnsworth chickens
We are all feathery
Live in an Eglu
Sometimes we will get corn for tea

Open your eyes
Cluck in great surprise and seeeeee
Oh look it's Elphie
She's falling out that tree
Because she's meowing high, meowing low
Scratching at the sofa - 'NO'!
Vomming up a hairball
What a very naughty Elphieeeee
Bad Elphie...

Hello - a Sussex Star
The hybrid that I am
I lay eggs oh yes I can
Hard work!
It takes a while
To lay them nice and make the humans smile

Chickens! Oo-oo-oo-ooooo!
We like to run around
We eat them dandelions, so fresh and tasty
And they're good for our health, and they make our yolks all yellow

Oh dear! It's raining now
Don't want to be all soggy
The run floor is getting boggy
Maybe at the weekend
They'll move the run
And then we'll get a brand new place to poo...

Tabby cat! Boo-oo-oo-oooo!
That isn't Elphie, no,
We'll scare it off and make this garden Elphie's!

[guitar solo!]

We hear a little sound of footsteps on the lawn
It is light! It is light! It is time for getting up now!
What a night it has been, need to have a bit of grit!

I need water! I need dust bath!
I am flapping! I am preening!
I am hungry and I need...
Mash would be nice and it's rather yummy
And we'd like weeds and also some kitchen scraps
Maybe some grapes and a slug or two or three

Eglu blue, Eglu nice,
Elphie catching mice

(A live one!) 'Noooo! Don't bring it in the house!'
Let it go!
(A live one!) 'Noooo! Go outside with your mouse!'
Let it go!
(I like it!) 'Not wanted in the house!
'I do not like your mouse
'I do not like your mouse
'Now take it out the house and let it goooooo...'
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Cat in the garden, the back garden
Where we're eating all the weeds
We're gardening! And the compost heap it likes our poo-oo-oo, our poo-oo-oo
Our pooooooooooooooooooooo!

[guitar solo!]

We are digging for worms since we're clipped and can't fly
Levitation for us? No! No route to the sky-y-yyy!
Weeeeeee're grounded
That's okay though as long as
We can free range
We can free range before bedtime

Oooo-oooo-oooo! Broccoli! Broccoli!
We are happy ladies
You can see it's true
Happy happy chickens
Cosy in our royal blue eglu....

(Can we have some corn now?)


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